Incandescent Wallflower

formspring has seemed to shit the bed tonight...

theduty:

so i will share my latest here, first…

Q: “are you a huge douchebag, or do you just seem like it on tumblr?”

A: shit.

ok, you win.

you got me…cat’s out of the bag.


as a matter of fact, i AM a huge Douchebag. a GIGANTIC one, if you get right down to brass tacks.
and, for once in my life, i’m not ashamed to say so.
[deep breath]
it was a long time ago…
[camera pans across the countryside]
it always seemed like a charmed life as a child…i remember the summertimes like they were yesterday.  Eve, my mother, would take us about the town spreading our “essence”, if you will, bringing joy to the townsfolk of yore all.
truly a perfect, pH balanced, harmony.
until that one faithful October day, when the evil Dr. Sciencenshit made a proclaimation to the townsfolk galore that, “THE DOUCHEBAG FAMILY WERE NO LONGER WELCOMED WHERE THEY HAD PREVIOUSLY BEEN REVERED!!” 
the crowds gasped.
women were stunned.
their husbands’ terrified.

WHAT WAS TO BE DONE?!?!?! WHAT WOULD LIFE BE WITHOUT THE DOUCHE’S IN THEIR LIVES?!?!?!



sadly…    that question was answered.

in short time, our entire family was banished to the lowly outskirts of Walgreenia, to be forgotten & never to be seen again…forced away to live as hermits, like lepers, shunned by the very people that once embraced us as family, as an integral part of their daily lives.

years past….my family grew complacent with what had be made so.
but not for me. i wasn’t prepared to step aside and allow my family’s storied history to be squirted out of history.
…a liquid slowly moved in me.  
from a steady simmer, to a roaring boil in my very core.

I HAD BECOME A ONE MAN REBELLION.

i ran away from the back stocked countryside. i discovered new and amazing ways to allow our story to be told!  working my way through many channels, i finally came upon, what i felt to be, the ultimate outlet available for caring, compassionate individuals to hear, and empathize, with our noble  cause.
that outlet would be known as……TUMBLR!!!
since it’s discovery, i have endlessly devoted 2 years of my life to spreading my Douchebag heritage, as only i know how to…keeping true to the very religious and historical core of our family credo.
Posting pics for Uncle Pfizer, making funny little comments for Aunt Bayer, occasionally playing songs for sweet little Wyeth.
YES!!! DOING ALL I CAN TO MAKE FOR CERTAIN THAT THE DOUCHEBAG NAME LIVES ON IN ALL OF IT’S EVER LOVING GLORY!!!!!!

so, you asked the question, “are you a huge douchebag, or do you just seem like it on tumblr”…

and i answer.
i answer emphatically.
i answer for a proud family.
i answer for stern Uncle Pfizer… YES.
i answer for defiant Aunt Bayer… YES.
I answer for sweet little Wyeth… YES.
YES I AM A HUGE DOUCHEBAG.  I AM THE HUGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER. AND NOTHING MAKES ME PROUDER IN ALL OF LIFE’S SHORT, AND MOSTLY MEANINGLESS EXISTENCE, TO YELL FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS…
YES. I AM THE HUGEST DOUCHEBAG EVAR, AND GOD BLESS THE DOUCHEBAGS EVERYWHERE!!!











oh.

and.

i’m also just some guy with a blog.

…no big whoop.

hope that answers the question.
cheers.
duts.

512. MY MOTHER IS A SAINT AND IS NOT TO BE TAKEN INTO OUR PETTY DISAGREEMENTS.

(via gotwisdom)